Dad, Can I Have A DVD Player?
Your Invite To Insight
Time Bandits

It's no secret around the RTC office that we love midgets.

(Editor's Note:Realizing that people of genetically-challenged stature take great offense to terms like "midget", I have chosen to interrupt and assure you that RTC is very sensitive to all special-interest groups and apologize for the devil- may-care start to what promises to be a fairly entertaining article. Our apologies.)

We've always had a tiny place in our heart reserved for their comic antics.

(Editor's Note:Please excuse the connotation that any sort of affection would be proportional to size of aforementioned small people. Also, we should point out that not all small people are funny.)

In fact, when it comes to Bang-For-The-Buck, little films like Terry Gilliam's Time Bandits manage to dwarf so- called "EVENT" films.

(Editor's Note:Sorry about the word, "little". Oh, yes, and apologies for the unintentional "dwarf" reference.)

When Criterion released the DVD of Time Bandits with Director Commentary, we jumped at the opportunity to hear ribald tales of those tiny freaks falling out of trees and looking up women's dresses.

(Editor's Note:Okay, that's crossing the line. I suggest we end this before things become litigious and move onto the morsels of Making-Of info. For the record, RTC considers itself a Friend of Little People in good standing and apologizes for stepping on any toes.)

(Editor's Note:That's not to say little people's tiny digits are easier targets for normal people.)

(Editor's Note:Not that the munchkins aren't normal.)

(Editor's Note:Dammit!)

The World of Time Bandits According To Gilliam

• When Agamemnon pulls off his helmet to reveal Sean Connery, the original script reads:
  "HELMET COMES OFF TO REVEAL SEAN CONNERY (OR AN ACTOR OF EQUAL OR CHEAPER STATURE)"
• The footage of the Titanic sinking is actual footage "borrowed" from the film, A Night To Remember. The clip was then colorized and slowed down.
• Cost of film to make - 5 million dollars
• Sir Ralph Richardson (Supreme Being) would reject lines in script, saying, "GOD would not say that."
• Evil's headpiece is an homage to Giger's alien face-hugger.
• At test screenings, young boys often said their favorite part was when the parents blew up.
• Gilliam originally wanted Jonathan Pryce to play Evil.
• The shooting was so notorious for going long that the crew printed shirts that read, "OVERTIME BANDITS".
• At the 55 minute, 4 second-mark of the film, there is a monkey.

What We Think About When We Think Small

UNDER THE RAINBOW, Billy Barty, midget wrestling, dwarf tossing, lawn gnomes, Keebler elves, Munchkins, The Lollipop Kids, DORF on GOLF, David Rappaport, Tinkerbell, Herve Villechaize, midget car racing, Verne Troyer, horse jockeys, THE SECRET ADVENTURES OF TOM THUMB, TWIN FALLS IDAHO, GULLIVER'S TRAVELS, Santa's helpers, Oompa-Loompas, ELF POWER's "A Dream In Sound", RANDY NEWMAN's "Little Criminals", THE DWARVES' "Lesbian Nun", TOO SHORT's "Born To Mack"

What My Ex-Roommate Thinks About When He Thinks Small

20. Anne Cook (a girl we went to jr.high with)
19. Mr. Twa (lunchroom monitor)
18. This little Spanish woman who came up to me in Madrid and gave me directions to a place I was only thinking about.
17. Yoda
16. That movie about the midgets at some hotel, I think it was called The Rainbow Hotel or something like that.
15. Wrestling
14. Small shoes
13. The Wizard of Oz
12. Lucky Charms
11. The Hobbit
10. Time Bandits
9. The word, stump
8. The color green
7. A pair of purple shoes I once owned, but didn't understand why I bought when I got them home.
6. The Guinness Book of World Records
5. Pornography
4. Santa Claus
3. How tall I am
2. A pipe I bought at the Renaissance Fair
1. LSD

Long On Story, Short On People
RTC'S Favorite Vertically Challenged Books

1. Sleeping In Flame by Jonathan Carroll
2. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
3. The Rings Triology by J.R.R. Tolkien
4. The Dork of Cork by Chet Raymo (Made into the movie, Frankie Starlight)
5. Son of the Circus by John Irving
6. Mendel Dwarf by Simon Mawer
7. Geek Love by Katharine Dunn