Right Turn Clyde
Volume 1 Issue 6- Your Poetic Epiphany Of Self-Resignation

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Dear Bruce...
An Open Letter To Bruce Greenwood

Dear Mr. Greenwood,

Please stop.

We let you slide with Disturbing Behavior. It was your first big, meaty role in a studio movie (and I use the term "studio" very lightly here). I'm sure that you've paid off the next few mortgage payments with it. If it had been a hit, it would have gotten you a little exposure, although it certainly wasn't your best performance to date. You apparently didn't notice that it was written by literary craftsman Scott Rosenberg. Did you see Con Air? Staring at the back of your hand is more exciting. And then Double Jeopardy came along. You must have been sitting a little too close to your TV during the Oscars, when you became hypnotized by Miss Judd (you know what I'm talking about) and blindly agreed to play any role in which you'd be cast as her husband. So, we'll let THAT slide (although we can't help but hide our disappointment).

But now you've gone and done The Soul Collector, a Movie of the Week, with Mrs. Tron Scarecrow (a.k.a. 'Half Pint')..... let this serve as a notice that your grace period is officially over. We know you're Canadian, but that doesn't excuse you taking every hack-neyed job thrown your way. Wait until Atom Egoyan's next film. Although he is Canadian, and most Canadians are wily and crafty, you can trust him. He'll hook you up with. Has he let you down in the past? Just because the Academy was clamoring to hand a statue over to Robin Williams for re-enacting Pudge Fisk's home run doesn't mean that no one noticed how good you can be with the right role. Stick with Atom, he'll get you a Best Supporting statue and then you'll get that exposure that you crave where you can join the ranks of past winners in moving onto leading role status, like Joe Pesci, Marisa Tomei, and Mira Sorvino.

You've been blessed with a special talent, Bruce. Use it wisely.

Your friend,


The Thin
& Hate

This Issue Of RTC Brought To You By
Elsinore Brewery

The finest beer in the Great White North
(No longer acknowledging the mouse in a beer refund policy)



This One Is For You!
The Extreme Adventures Of Super Dave

Every Time A Cash Register Rings,
A Buena Vista Publicity Director Gets Their Wings

While We Were Sleeping
An Incomplete Catalog Of Cinema-Induced Narcolepsy

Tales From The Cheap Seats
Rocky IV

The Entire Story? I Don't Think So!
The Straight Story

When The Mann Chews You Up & Spits You Out
Tone Loc

Mars Gets An Agent
Red Planet To See Green

Nude As The News
The Porn Industry's Name Game

Death, Where Is Thy Sting?
The Most Memorable Movie Death Scenes

Satellite Transmissions From The Head
Meeting People Is Easy

It's Funny 'Cause It's True
Hands On A Hard Body

Bringing In The Dead
When Movies That Can't Be Missed Become Movies That Can't Be Made

End Of Working Days
How Schwarenegger Is The Kiss Of Death To Female Co-Stars' Careers

Movie Sties By Dies

The Lip's Flame

RTC's Look At The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy

Wilt Chamberlain
Second Stringer?

Monkeys And Robots
Tom Shirley And His Creation

If You're Feeling Sinister...
American Movie


Top 5 Movie Lists
John Carpenter
Amos Poe

The Walls Have Ears
You Big Dummy

Tat Watch '99
Asia Argento

Bartholomew J. Treehugger
Chimpanzee Film Critic

Shout It Out Loud



RTC Unearths The Unfilmed Sequel To
"The Good, The Bad, And The Monkey"

The Right Turn Clyde Cross-Words Puzzle

Fight Club Public Service Announcements


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