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Sex-Romp-A-Rama!
(I thought that might get your attention)
By Shorty LaBrea
jonmichaels@earthlink.net
Being the butt of many jokes around the RTC office over my taste
in movies, in particular my enjoyment of the American Pie trailer,
I felt it was my duty to prove my co-workers wrong and show them
that American Pie really was a good movie. So on the Sunday of opening
weekend, I headed over to my local AMC movie theater and managed
to catch the Twilite showing for $4.25. God bless AMC!
Let me just say this: I laughed so hard I thought I was going to
crap my pants. In today's age where everything is reduced to a soundbyte,
why can't we see a soundbyte like that in an ad for a movie? I am
so sick of the "Two thumbs up. Way up!" from Joe Generic and "American
Pie is pie-rrific!" says some dumb-ass from a publication owned
by the same über- company that owns the studio that made the
film. I want a reviewer to let his or her readers know that a particular
movie made him load his shorts. A soundbyte that actually has power
and meaning. But I digress...
American Pie is a movie that comes out with 50 foot letters written
on the side of a mountain that says, "Guess what? We are going to
talk about teen sex." They are not afraid to follow up a bold statement
like that with real thing. This is not your watered-down family
fare where "intimate" scenes are shot in silhouette and last a whole
twenty seconds, or the infamous Big Top Pee Wee cut to fireworks
ruse. This movie has sex on the brains so much that it could have
been the sequel to a Drew Barrymore movie – Never Been Laid.
So this is the scoop: four friends in high school make a pact to
help and encourage each other so that they can lose their virginity
by senior prom, three weeks away. That's it. Pretty basic. I know
you're saying I've seen plenty of crap like that before whether
it's one of the numerous installments of Porky's or some ski bunny/stewardess/sorority
girl-chasing movie. The difference with American Pie is that the
characters and situations ring true to life, mostly due to the fact
that the girls in the movie are just as sex crazed as the guys.
They also don't just fall back on your generic jocks versus geeks
story line with all the character depth of a Michael Bay film. Watching
this movie, you get the feeling that you knew these kids when you
were in high school.
Did I mention there's a monkey in the movie? Oh yes! You know you've
just sat through a quality piece of cinema when while perusing the
credit roll you notice this glorious cast member, "Kid With Monkey."
Unfortunately, there are no robots in this movie; however, there
is the next best thing – internet porn. Just because the movie
itself isn't a porno doesn't mean our intrepid heroes and heroines
can't watch a little smut during the unfolding of this spicy tale.
American Pie seems to have everything going for it: a smart script,
strong direction, and good acting from the stars. Plus there's some
great references to pop culture including a scene that could be
straight out of The Graduate featuring a student appropriately nicknamed
Shitbrick and a M.I.L.F. (If you're not familiar with this teen-slang,
you're just going to have to watch the movie.) Since I know that
everyone is curious about this, I'll tell you right now, Shannon
Elizabeth as the foreign exchange student is very naked in the movie
and much better looking than her Playboy spread.
Favorite line? "What's my name, bitch?!"
**Note from the Monkey
As Shorty so eloquently wrote in RTC2, age is an untameable monster
in Hollywood. With this is mind, does it bother anyone else that
3 years ago Thomas Ian Nicholas was A Kid In King Arthur's Court
and now he's getting his love groove on in American Pie?
Hmmm. Also the KID WITH MONKEY's name is DANNY SPINK.
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