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 Will
The Real Brian Cox Please Stand Up?
Pants writes:
The staff here at RTC sometimes knowingly and sometimes unwittingly
procures copies of films that may or may not be legal to have in
our possession. Typically, we are law-abiding citizens who honor
laws that have been created to make sure that we don't see movies
before their official release. Sure, this rule applies to [insert
name of latest Tim Allen picture], but we were able to snag a copy
of The Minus Man, the directorial debut of Hampton "Excuse-Me-While-I-Work-Without-a-
Shirt-On" Fancher, toss in major roles for Owen Wilson and Janeane
Garafalo with a cameo by Sheryl Crow as a booze-swilling heroin
junkie (Ed. note: Whaaaaat?!?), and we are all over it like
a chimp on the jack-knifed big rig spilling bananas all over the
freeway.
For the most part, the movie is uneventful, with the exception
of the Oscar-worthy performance by the askew landlord, an oddly
familiar chap whose other work eluded us. Our crack research team
sprang into action leading us to slap the backs of our collective
heads when pointed out that the actor was also the headmaster in
Rushmore, the dry-witted CIA-mentor in The Long Kiss Goodnight,
and the original Hannibal Lecter in Mann's Manhunter. Of
course, we are talking about Brian Cox, but not just any Brian Cox,
the REAL Brian Cox. There are moments, where albeit the lines were
written by Fancher (from the novel by Lew McCreary), when the real
Brian Cox utters them, it is partly fascinating, partly chilling,
and 100% riveting: "A person's mind is like a pet. Sometimes it
gets loose, and sometimes it gets lost. Sometimes, it just sort
of behaves itself and stays in the yard." With all due respect to
the five nominees for this year's Best Actor, pull a Ving and hand
it over to Brian - the REAL Brian Cox, that is.
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51 Bryan Cox Linebacker-Jets
Height: 6-4
Weight: 250
Born: 2/17/68
College: Western Illinois
NFL Experience: 9 yrs.
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Making snow "idiots" with you-know-who |
Shorty writes:
I went to junior high and high school with Brian Cox. In
fact, when I moved into the neighborhood in a suburb South
of Boston during the summer of 1986, he was one of the first
kids I met. If you took a particular path through the swampy
woods behind my house you wound up in his backyard. We all
called him Bonehead Cox. He was a "good kid" (a term that
is not hard to understand but seems to be predominantly used
in New England) but definitely a bonehead. What I mean to
say is that he was never mean or spiteful, but he had a strong
tendency to be a major screw-up. He was never very good in
school, but, of course, he really never tried. He didn't have
any talents per se - no sports, or drama, or band or anything.
He took all the auto-shop classes that he could in high school
but could never seem to keep his car running.
One incident in particular sticks in my mind as being a classic
Bonehead Cox moment. All the kids in the neighborhood had
to walk up to the corner to catch the bus to school in the
morning. We used to tell jokes and tease each other on our
way to the bus stop. One particular morning, after a heavy
rain the night before, we were kicking puddles at each other
trying to get anyone else wet, when Bonehead noticed a deep
puddle in a sink hole. He figured that more water would get
someone else VERY wet, so he ran up and jumped feet first
into the puddle, completely soaking himself and his shoes.
Just then the bus came and he had to spend the entire day
at school in wet pants, shoes and socks. He is definitely
the one true Brian Cox.
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