Bartholomew J. Treehugger
Chimpanzee Film Critic

Remember that old saying about 100 monkeys, 100 typewriters and the likelihood of a hit screenplay? We approached our resident primate with a word processor, a handful of films, and an I.V. full of banana smoothie and asked him to do our review work for us. He whipped off a 457-page manifesto entitled, "HOW WILL I KILL THE HUMANS: LET ME COUNT THE WAYS", and then spit out these 4 love bites.

DEEP BLUE SEA
Computerized sharks go nutty. Computerized sharks chomp on computerized Michael Rapaport. Computerized sharks chomp on computerized Sam Jackson. Chimp could beat up cheap-looking cartoon sharks. Chimp not impressed.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Role in Movie: Chimp doesn't know. Chimp slept through most of movie and walked out at the end.
Rating: no bananas (out of 5)

THE SIXTH SENSE
Boy see dead people. Bruce Willis dead. Boy see Bruce. Chimp sees boy and dead people and Bruce. Chimp not impressed.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Role in Movie: 0
Rating: no bananas (out of 5)

Yes, This is a photo from The Exorcist. We couldn't bear to put a Sixth Sense or Stigmata photo here. Deal with it.

STIGMATA
Woman rolls her eyes back into her head. Woman say things "non importante". Gabriel Byrne....Chimp not impressed.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Role in Movie: 0
Rating: no bananas (out of 5)

and FROM THE VIDEO TAPE BIN

THE BAREFOOT EXECUTIVE
Chimp works in lab. Chimp secretly runs TV network. Chimp is my hero. Chimp makes friend with Snake. This chimp not impressed.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Role in Movie: 1
Rating: 2 bananas (out of 5)