Bartholomew J. Treehugger
Chimpanzee Film Critic

Our in-house cineaste climbs down from his tree to weigh in all of the movies you stupid humans are going to see anyway.

The Bachelor
w/ Chris O'Donnell and what's-her-face

Robin the Boy Wonder need money. Robin wants lots of money. Robin marry, Robin get loads o' money. Robin runs around. Women run after Robin. Robin picks Jewel to be his wife. Chimp not impressed. Chimp don't know who he feels more sorry for: Robin for marrying Jewel or Jewel for marrying Milquetoast (sorry, Chimp meant to say Robin).

Number of Monkeys with Starring Roles: 0
Number of Bananas (out of 5): 0

Being John Monkeyvich
w/ John Cusack and the guy from that jewel thief movie

Lane is married to Cameron Diaz. Chimp impressed. Lane finds portal to become Cyrus the Virus. Chimp only mildly impressed, but impressed nevertheless. Lane and Cameron each get into Catherine Keener's portal. Chimp very impressed...and delighted.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Roles: 1, but it is some dumb-ass chimp who can't untie ropes in the clutch.
Number of Bananas (out of 5): 4

Fight Club
w/ Ed Norton and Meat Loaf's tits

Eddie is bored. Eddie spends a lot of time beating himself up. Eddie hallucinates. Eddie has an imaginary friend. Eddie "makes soap" with Helena Bonham-Carter. Eddie befriends Jared Leto. Chimp not impressed.

Number of "Space" Monkeys: Many
Number of Real Monkeys with Starring Roles: 0
Number of Bananas (out of 5): 0

The Bone Collector

Chimp no see Bone Collector. Chimp see poster for movie. Chimp sees it stars Michael Rooker. Chimp thinks to chimpself, "Gee, wonder who this Bone Collector is?" Chimp pig-biting mad, by jimminy. Chimp beyond not impressed. Chimp want to shreech at and jump on casting person's head.

VIDEO STORE ALERT!

Going Ape

Chimp sees Jimmy Walker.
Chimp sees Dom DeLuise.
Chimp sees chimp.
Chimp decrees this the best movie ever made.

Number of Monkeys with Starring Roles: 1
Number of Bananas (out of 5): 6