Crowe's Feat
RTC's Insider Blows Smoke Up Your Ass

The holidays are that special time of the year when you have to suffer through days on end with relatives that you wouldn't give the time of day to if you passed them on the street. Shorty decided he should spread a little of that joy and love around by subjecting our dear readers to his spiteful grandfather. For the sake of anonymity, we'll call him, Grumpy Ol' Curmudgeon.

An Insider's View
By Grumpy Ol' Curmudgeon

Considering that it has taken The Insider four weeks to earn the $22 million that the Pokémon movie made in its first two days of release, chances are good that you haven't seen this one yet. What the blazes are you waiting for? Get in your car! Now, dang nabbit! Before this one quietly slips away.

Even with my trick ear, I can already hear you bitching from over here. You're whining that it's supposed to be really long. Well obviously length didn't stop you from seeing Titanic eighteen times, and this movie doesn't... uh... what's that word I'm looking for?... oh yeah... SUCK.

Mr. Pacino does inevitably slip into well-worn Yelling Guy shoes by the end of the flick, but Christopher Plummer is simply amazing as Mike Wallace, and with those Special Makeup Effects, Russell Crowe looks almost as sexy as I did when I was a young stallion. It kind of reminds me of the time...

At this point we had to cut him off - Gramps had already knocked back his fifth mug of eggnog. The "sexy" comment was bad enough, but he was about to get into story about how Tippi Hedren couldn't keep her hands off him, and we simply couldn't be that cruel our readers.

Crowe hears the opening weekend box office numbers.

Did somebody call for a Plummer?

Al Pacino yelling... surprise.