Film In The 90s
The 5th Greatest Generation (according to Tom Brokaw) Speaks Out

The Most Unbelievable Things That Happened In Movies In The 1990s
By Sauce Tarte

1. Drew Barrymore, still having no more talent than being sufficiently able to not look directly into the camera, returns. Was she really ever gone? Did anyone miss her?

2. The remaining Steven King "novels" that hadn't been made into movies in the eighties, including an average of three new "stories" cranked out each year, with names changed to preserve the ineptitude, were also made into movies, made for television movies, commercials or whatever.

3. Sudden unexpected resurgence of Jane Austen, Vagina Woolf and other proto-feminist horseshit writers that did for feminism what Reagan did for Alzheimers. I'll send money to the charities, just stop it! Please! (Even if I can't afford to send another of Jane Austen's poor relations to charm school just to get them out of my fucking hair and find them a husband! And how is that an interesting plot again?)

4. Disney leads the forefront in building an even more astounding cinematic campaign against the arsenals of children's piggy banks. You'll know who to blame if you aren't able to afford college for your children. "Sorry, Janey, but you made a choice when you decided to see Pocahontas 50 times. Choices have consequences. I bet you think Pokemon is pretty stupid now, but I remember a time when you didn't."

5. If you think kids can spend money then you'd bet teenagers, who actually have an income, can really spend it! So goes the ideology first encountered in the capitalist mid eighties that broke out into a rash of nastily ignorant plot twists and mtv marketing campaign inspired visuals that still keep coming. Luckily, more intelligent films have exploited these techniques to their advantage. The smart teen flick has arrived.

6. Steven Spieberg. Sappy as hell and unstoppable. Need I say more?

7. The nineties were the decade of recycling; the decade of the remake, the re-release, the prequel, the sequel, everything retro-this and neo-that. Every old idea, script, style, plot, etc. has come back to us. From Psycho to Star Wars, no stone has been unturned except by oversight.

8. The 90's rise of independent films has done more to change the ways that bigger budget films present themselves rather than to actually establish independent films. Surprise? Not really.

9. Good-bye Mr. Kubrick. I'm sorry that I never knew you.

10. Ciao Frederico! The day that Fellini died left many a monkey rattling its cage.