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Overdosin' On The Sopranos
RTC's Lackluster Attempt To Chronicle A Pop Culter Phenomenon
Unless you've been in rehab for the last 8 weeks (present company
included), you'd be hard pressed not to be victim of SOPRANOS MEDIA
SATURATION. Billboards, buses, condom dispensers-you name it, James
Gandolfini's macho wince is tattooed on it. Other more professional
websites might cater to the hardcore fan by providing online scripts
or streaming videos on their site. This being Right Turn Clyde (the
preferred movie 'zine of death row inmates), however, we've slacked
off until the deadline once again and are forced to cobble together
yet another column based on little-known facts and half-truths.You'd
like to thank us? Fuggedaboutit.
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Tony Soprano
RECENTLY SEEN IN: 8MM
BEST KNOWN FOR: The thug in True Romance that boxes Patricia Arquette's
ears, the thug in Get Shorty.
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Suffers from a rare medical condition in which
he is allergic to water. |
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Carmela Soprano
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Judy Berlin, Copland
YOU GOTTA SEE HER IN: Laws of Gravity
SMALL TALK FOR BORING PARTIES: The only member of The Sopranos to
receive an Emmy for its' 1st season
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Practices snake-handling in lieu of professional
medicine. |
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Dr. Jennifer Melfi -Tony's therapist
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Hackers, Even Cowgirls GetThe Blues
BEST KNOWN FOR: Goodfellas
SMALL TALK FOR BORING PARTIES: Once married for a short time to Harvey
Keitel
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Refuses to fly on airplanes unless handcuffed.
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Livia Soprano -Tony's mom
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Dear God
BEST KNOWN FOR: Playing the mayor in t.v's POLICE SQUAD
YOU GOTTA SEE HER IN: The John Turturro meets the Marx Brothers comedy,
BRAIN DONORS
SMALL TALK FOR BORING PARTIES: Has had cancer for 3 years.
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Claims to have been visited by the ghost of
Vic Morrow. |
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Meadow Soprano
NICKNAME: "Meadow"
RECENTLY SEEN IN: The daydreams of high school teachers who can't
stand that slutty Britney Spears.
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Proud owner of patents on several inventions
including the Deafening Tone Generator and a machine that turns garbage
into mayonnaise. |
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Christopher Moltisanti
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Summer of Sam
BEST KNOWN FOR: Spider in GoodFellas
YOU GOTTA SEE HIM IN: Office Killer
SMALL TALK FOR BORING PARTIES: In 1995, he played a character named
Jo-Jo in two non-related movies (BAD BOYS , CLOCKERS).
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Co-founded the Kinko's copy store chain. |
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Anthony Soprano, Jr.
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Promos for Season Two of The Sopranos
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: With his earnings from the first season of
The Sopranos, he rented a lear jet for a transatlantic tour of London,
France, and the ever-popular Queen's underpants. |
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Detective Vin Makazian
RECENTLY SEEN IN: Desert Blue
BEST KNOWN FOR: The child neglecting father in Home Alone 1 & 2
YOU GOTTA SEE HIM IN: After Hours
SMALL TALK FOR BORING PARTIES: Once married to and served a restraining
order from Homicide's Melissa Leo.
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Built an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower
out of gopher wood in his neighbor's yard. |
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"Uncle Junior" Corrado Soprano
RECENTLY SEEN IN: The Thomas Crown Affair
BEST KNOWN FOR: Johnny Ola in The Godfather Part Two
STUFF WE JUST MADE UP: Swears that he knows where Jimmy Hoffa is
buried because "I'm the crazy son-of-a-bitch that put him there".
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 Not
The Sopranos You're Thinking About
Alan Warner's novel tells the coming of age story of a group of
Scottish schoolgirls. It has nothing to do with the tv show, but
it does have plaid-skirted, foul-mouthed Catholic girls slamming
drinks and getting wild in the streets. Which explains why we even
mention it.
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