Minimum Wage

Having spent our fair share of years jockeying a video store desk, we know how ponderous and void it can be to spend your life trying not to smirk as people rent BROKEDOWN PALACE. That's why we whole-heartedly endorse the practice of calling up videostores and harassing the clerks to no end. Here's a favorite routine to pass the tedium of your unemployment.

VIDEO STORE:Video Store.

YOU:Do you carry the movie ELECTRIC DREAMS?

VIDEO STORE:Let me check. (picks up phone again)

VIDEO STORE: Yes, we do.

YOU:REALLY?!? Ummm, I think there are two movies with that title. Could you read the back to see if that's the one I'm looking for?

VIDEO STORE:...The story of a young man who falls in love with his beautiful upstairs neighbor. The only problem is that his computer shares his taste in women, and will do anything to have her to "himself." Features original songs performed by Giorgio Moroder, Jeff Lynne, Phil Oakey, Heaven 17, and Boy George and Culture Club.

YOU:F---IN' A! THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT! HOW MUCH IS IT?

VIDEO STORE:Three dollars for five days.

YOU:NO, YOU FOOL, TO BUY! HOLD IT FOR ME AND DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE TAKE IT. OKAY, DO THAT AND THERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA IN THERE FOR YOU. GOT IT? I'M ON MY WAY! HEAR THAT? THAT'S ME PUTTING ON MY SHOES. OKAY, I JUST GOT MY KEYS. I'M WALKING OUT THE DOOR... (click)

FOR MORE FUN, PROCEED TO THE STORE TO ASK FOR ELECTRIC DREAMS. WHEN THE CLERK SAYS, "ARE YOU THE GUY THAT CALLED?", SAY "NO."