Right Turn Clyde
Volume 1 Issue 9 - The Girls Are Not That Pretty But We Don't Care
Your Monthly Dose Of Cynicism

Mission Statement
About RTC
Spanking The Monkey

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RTC's Idiot Box
Or What We Would Be
Watching If We Weren't
Writing This Mess


"Movies are for retards."
--The Replacements, I'll Buy

When the world wants movie news, it steps over us to get it.

Don't Blame Us, We Only Swipe Mail That Comes In Plain Brown Wrappers
Oscar ballots -- all 4,000 of them -- go missing Ten mailbags with all 4,000 Oscar ballots are missing in a real Hollywood whodunit for Academy Awards executives, a distinguished accounting firm and the Postal Service. A week after mailing the ballots, tucked in business envelopes with 33-cent, first-class postage, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was getting panicky Tuesday because members hadn't received them. The deadline for returning ballots was March 21. The Oscars were March 26. RTC cites this incident as an explanation for Michael Caine's winning the Oscar since no laws of science or reason could explain that one.

This Floor... Dinnerware, Ladies' Clothes, Signs Of The Apocalypse
Fresh off of his performance as Lenny Bruce in the made-for-USA Network biopic Hefner, Pauly Shore is preparing to go in front of the cameras again in yet another biopic entitled The Beat Generation in which he is (currently) slated to portray Allan Ginsberg

Corporate Brass In Pocket
We really hated that "You gotta wear sunscreen" song, but the money suits at FOX must've REALLY hated it. While completing his Fox-produced film, MOULIN ROUGE, Australian director/top 40 songsmith Baz Luhrmann went over budget and now the bean counters are pointing fingers at the director to ante up. Let's cast the proper light on the situation. In this corner, 20TH CENTURY FOX, producers of Episode One & Titanic, two of the highest grossing movies ever. In that corner, Baz Luhrmann, visionary behind ROMEO & JULIET update (which also made boatloads of money for FOX), writer, director, producer, and soundtrack collaborator all for the bargain basement price of $1,500,000. Fox now wants Baz to cover the overages out of his OWN pocket to the tune of $800,000. The only way this could be any uglier is if they asked Luhrmann to pay for James Cameron's dry cleaning on his way out.

Spike Lee's Bile? You're Soaking In It.
When Barry Sonnefeld thankfully dropped out of the Will Smith as Muhammed Ali biopic, directors formed a breadline to garner the helming assignment. When the studio tabbed Michael Mann as their choice, everybody breathed a collective sigh that the project was in good hands. When Spike Lee found out about the Mann announcement, he broke into his annual soapbox rant about his directorial birthright to film every movie about African-American icons ever made. In a release to RTC and other non- reputable news outlets, Lee made it clear that this was not a first-time offense, producing this list of other Hollywood-produced movies that he felt he should have been considered for.

Meet Joe Black
Men In Black
Pitch Black
Dark Horizon
The Hurricane
Black Sunday

Black Beauty
Out Of Africa
How Stella Got Her Groove Back
The Inkwell
Spike Of Bensonhurst




Celebrity Dating Service
Finding Beautiful People For Beautiful People

And Robert Downey Jr. As Wolverine?
Michael Chabon's Take On The X-Men

All About My Mother
An RTC Movie Curse Investigation

Disturbing Thought Of The Month
What Does It Take To Make H. J. Osment?

Fief's Casting Couch
Harry Potter, Charade

Wag The Dogme
Simpson / Bruckheimer Beat Those Danes

We Watch Bad Movies So You Don't Have To
Double Jeopardy
Clean Slate
Chairman Of The Board

What Is Wrong With Us?
Supergirl On DVD. FINALLY!

A Half-Written Review Of A Half-Watched Movie
Leprechaun 5: In The Hood

Committed To Lisa Krueger
Token Girl's Shoutout To An RTC Fave

Diary Of An Assassin
RTC True Fiction

Pants By The Numbers
RTC's View From The Other End Of The Box Office

Upright Penguins Brigade
RTC Ambushes A Chat Room

Our Higher Power
RTC's Favorite Baked Potatoes

Girls Don't Die
Sauce Tarte's Lament For The Girls With The Most Cake


Top 5 Movie Lists
Emperor Penguin

The RTC Digital Milk Carton
Robert Prescott

Asia Argento
Take A Picture. It Lasts Longer.

RTC Hack Of The Month
Shiloh 2

A Moment Of Reflection

The Walls Have Ears


Don't Forget To Vote
Monkey For Prez

Hey, Do You Wanna Go See Gladiator?
Uh, Let Me Think About It.

Unfortunate Name Of The Month
Iben Hjejle

Minimum Wage
Electric Dreams

What A Difference Sixteen Years Makes
American Beauty vs. Blame It On Rio

What Fresh Hell Is This
Ready To Rumble

One Last Time...
Masterminds vs. Toy Soldiers

He Shoots. He Scores.
The Musical Stylings Of L. Ron Hubbard

DON'T ...look closer...


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